Joker's Lounge

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Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Fri 30 May - 3:39

=D Post your jokes here and see if someone laughs


Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money. Between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.

Murphy said 'Hang on, I have an idea.'

He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Shamus said 'Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!'

Murphy replied, 'Don't worry - just follow me.'

He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.

Shamus said 'Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!'

Murphy replied, with a smile. 'Don't ! worry, I have a plan, Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'

The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth pub Shamus said 'Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are killin' me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third pub




-this joke is from a friend-


Last edited by Shinobu on Sun 1 Jun - 4:35; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by shinigami no kamisama on Fri 30 May - 3:44

MUAHAHAHAAHA.... i have really no comment to this..hhahaahhaa....
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Fri 30 May - 3:46

This one's from another friend of mine =P




a couple are redecorating there bedroom, and it's time to paint but they both don't want paint to ruin there clothes so they talk it over and decide to paint nude, after about an hour they here a knock at the door so the girl shouts "who is it?" then the answer comes "blind man!" then she asks "should we let him in?" the man replies "I don't see what harm it could do!" so they go to the front door, open it then the man says "nice breasts!, so were do you want these blinds?"
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Fri 30 May - 4:09

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed."
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.

Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma
"where's Mom and Dad?"
and she replied "they're still up in bed."
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went
out to play.

Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked
his grandma
"where's Mom and dad"
and his grandmother replied
"they're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh
and his grandmother asked,
"what gives?
Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?"

The little boy replied, "well last night daddy came into my
bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Fri 30 May - 6:10

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by tobi on Fri 30 May - 7:01

Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
funniest of all XD lol!
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Fri 30 May - 7:44

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and she
presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and
asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their
insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are
first graders, 6-year-olds, because some of them are classic!

1. Don't change horses......................until they stop running.
2. strike while the.........................bug is close.
3. Its always darkest before................Daylight Savings Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of........ termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but ...... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that...........looks dirty.
7. No news is...............................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a.................. Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new............math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll.......stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust........................ me.
12. The pen is mightier than the .......... pigs.
13. An idle mind is.........................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's............ pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.....................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is .......................not much.
17. Two's company, three's............the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what ...... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry....... and you
have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as...............Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not..........spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed............get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you...........see in the
picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind..............get out of the way.

And the WINNER and last one!

25. Better late than.........................pregnant.
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 9:36

funny made me laugh ^^
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Miyu on Fri 30 May - 9:49

tobi wrote:
Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
funniest of all XD lol!
Lolx.
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 9:52

Miyu wrote:
tobi wrote:
Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
funniest of all XD lol!
Lolx.

lolx ok he wanted to take revenge for his frog poor frog
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by ketz12 on Fri 30 May - 20:23

Ayu wrote:
Miyu wrote:
tobi wrote:
Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
funniest of all XD lol!
Lolx.

lolx ok he wanted to take revenge for his frog poor frog

THIS IS DEADly hahaha1 cant stop laughin Xd
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 21:02

any one here knows the joke about and old woman and a bus driver something about nuts hihi pls post its funny
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by ketz12 on Fri 30 May - 21:22

i know that but too long XD
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 22:06

ahaha the old woman eating the coat then she gives the nuts to the bus driver haha so funny uguu~
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Miyu on Fri 30 May - 22:08

O.O
I wanna know. ._.
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by ketz12 on Fri 30 May - 22:14

one an old woman took a bus
she took a sit near the driver
and the driver is very happy that the old woman
gives him nuts but the driver asked

Driver: why do you have alot of nuts?

the old woman said:

old Woman; Oh i Just Love the chocolates around them!

(not sure if this is it but its funny anyways XD)

Yabai~yabai~
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 22:16

yey! ya thats it !

the phrase "I just love the chocolates around them" makes me imagine how the old woman said that uguu~ and its making me vomit wahaha! Shocked
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by ketz12 on Fri 30 May - 22:16

hahahha yeah ayu!!! hahah its funny XD
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Ayu on Fri 30 May - 22:42

hmmm i was thinking of what the driver did to the old woman after he found out hmmm
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by babykris on Sat 31 May - 0:35

ayu bucuk. joke.
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Sat 31 May - 1:07

A man is lying in bed in hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young student nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young student replies, "I don't know I'm only here to wash your hands and feet."

He struggles again to ask,"Nurse are my testicles black?"

Finally she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a closer look and says,"There is nothing wrong with them."

the mans pulls off his oxygen mask and replies
"That is very nice but, I asked ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Sat 31 May - 1:16

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Sat 31 May - 10:28

I'm just gonna bring this topic UP for everyone to laugh =D
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Shinobu on Sat 31 May - 18:09

ketz12 wrote:
Ayu wrote:
Miyu wrote:
tobi wrote:
Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
funniest of all XD lol!
Lolx.

lolx ok he wanted to take revenge for his frog poor frog

THIS IS DEADly hahaha1 cant stop laughin Xd
XD Oh my, this has gotten quite popular hahaha!
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Re: Joker's Lounge

Post by Kiodoku on Sat 31 May - 18:27

Shinobu wrote:There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

Waakakakakaka funny XDXDXD
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Kiodoku
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