Joker's Lounge

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mum was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways." Mum took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted.

A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small
house. He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a
long grey beard.

"I'm lost," said the man, "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but one condition. If you so much as lay
a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese
tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well,
and entered the house.

Over dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and
had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as well,
as she couldn't keep her eyes off of him during the meal. Remembering the
old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone.

During the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a
night of passion. Near dawn, he quietly crept back to his room so the old
man wouldn't hear, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large
rock on his chest with a note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 1: Large
rock on chest."

"Well, that's easy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then
I don't have much to worry about."

He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw it out. As he
did so, he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock
tied to left testicle."

In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close
to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration he
jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted toward the ground he saw a large sign on the ground that
read: "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post."

LOL!!! XD This Joker's Lounge alwayz brighten up my day!!

ouch that hurt >,<